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February 4, 2011

News Week

Nation & Politics
It has been reported that school children under the age 12 have been flooding the offices of the “Registrar Of Births And Deaths” across the nation applying for a correction in their birth certificates. In an exclusive interview with us, Gopal, a 11-year-old student from Vignyana Vardhini Higher Secondary School spoke to us while standing in the queue at a Registrar Office in Warangal “We feel so left behind, uncle. We feel discriminated. The children-can-now-mate-with-each-other Bill allows only 12 years and older to have sex. How about below-12 children like me?" Gopal expressed his concern.

"Speak up Lavanya, say something to this uncle"  Gopal insisted, while nudging her repeatedly with his elbow.

Finance & Markets
During the National Investors' Conference held in New Delhi this week, Warren Buffet, the world renowned fund manager and investor, advised the indian investors to take long positions in onions. As of Dec 31 2010, the year-on-year return from onions - inflation adjusted - was a whopping 130.41%. And the returns on vegetables in general, stood at 77%.

Buffet also said onions, tomatoes, potatoes and cabbage together make for a strong and safe investment portfolio for the conservative investor. He categorically stated that these are potentially high-yield investment avenues – both institutional and retail. Pension funds can also go for it provided they hedge their portfolio by going short on all those companies involved in the 2G scam.

All attempts at inducting the unsolicited and unsold Ganguly into the Kochi IPL team have been pooh-poohed by three fellow franchises. We ran into the owner of one such franchise - Royal Challengers - Mr Vijay Mallaya, at the Mangalore domestic airport and quickly asked for his opinion on Ganguly’s case.

“Pooh-pooh”  Mr. Mallaya said.

Sources also say Mr Mallaya had been seen at the airport with a fair and tall woman who had a striking resemblance to Deepika Padukone.

Meanwhile, in another interview, the IPL Governing Council chairman told us, on condition of anonymity, that Ganguly’s only chance for getting into the Kochi IPL is when an existing player is injured, handicapped or dead.

"How we wish Harbajan was in the IPL team of Kochi, so that he could break Sreesanth's facial bones this time"  says Akhilesh Chatterjee, a Ganguly fan from Kolkata.

"We want to see our 'Dada' in IPL, no matter what it takes"  he added.


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