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October 23, 2007

Dandiyas and Droolings!

Disco-dandiya has now become the Featured Official Indian Dance during Navrathris, replacing the traditional Dandiya. This period (Navrathri) usually witnesses all eligible male bachelors, individually and collectively drooling over colourfully-dressed eligible female bachelors over the dandiya turf. Needless to say, innocent and sincere participants like middle-aged north-indian maamas and maamis could also be seen in the scene, tapping their dandiya sticks tenderly against those of other maamas and maamis. All with a gentle disposition. Blushing is a typical, yet acceptable expression during such stick-tapping sessions among maamas and maamis. “We are here to honour the very religious motive behind Navrathri dance, unlike those lusty youngers out there” says a middle-aged gujarati maami, smt Ashalatha Lakhani, pointing to a group of youngsters.

Married-maamas and married-maamis is only one of the two sincere and innocent lots, justifying the objectives as laid down in the Official Indian Dandiya Gazzette. The other sincere and innocent lot is of kids ranging from 3 to 12 years; among which one would witness kids (usually shorter than the size of dandiya sticks) hitting their parents and other participants on their bottoms out of excitement produced by the deafening filmy music. A common sight on dandiya turf is of kid killing cockroaches and grasshoppers using dandiya stick and then droppig it in dad’s pocket. “Killing cockroach using dandiya stick and dropping it in my dad’s pocket or mom’s chips packet gives me more pleasure than this f*****g dandiya dance” says the 4-year-old Ram Prasad Mishra, with a sense of pride on his face. Another kid, a 5-year-old Lalitha Chaturvedi, hurt our special correspondent by throwing a dandiya stick at his jaw.

Dandiyas are usually organised by housing societies, communities, associations, etc to provide a common platform to the youngsters to drool over. Dandiya fanatics from the vicinity get together and tap their exotic sticks against each others’ to the beats of bollywood lively, rhythmic, cabaret-like numbers produced by a 20,000-watt powerhouse.

Dandiya-induced drooling can be active or passive:

Active drooling involves drooling while simultaneously doing the ‘tapping the sticks’ exercise. An Active drooler dresses up in levi’s jeans, t-shirt and trainers or sometimes in a rented garbha costume (including the striking turban) or sometimes a kurtha-pyjama. With atleast one litre perfume under his arm-pits and 2 kgs of gel on his head, he carries himself like Salman before the actual session starts. He makes few quick walks across the dandiya turf to grab feminine attention. He would be eyeing and scanning the entire crowd for good-looking chicks and makes sure he stands beside the best of them before the cabaret-like dandiya music starts. Once the music begins, his attempts to touch her (using elbow, shoulder, etc) begins too. In case she gives him a filthy look (ie kya-tumhe-maa-bahen-nahin-hain-kya look) he sheepishly apologizes to her under the pretence of an oversight and scuttles away. After a few minutes, he could be seen dancing beside another beautiful chick keeping himself busy in the ‘touch-and-feel’ business again. Bloody Fool!

“We are here to honour Mother Goddess, and at the same time to have fun by quenching our dancing enthusiasm” says Mr. Satyanarayan Budani, an IT professional. “True, quite true, nothing else” shouted from behind Mr. Abdul Hameed, yet another IT professional.

Passive drooling involves standing on the ground (or sitting on a wall or a tree) at the perimeter of Dandiya turf. Passive drooling allows performing the drooling exercise effortlessly. Typically aged between 15 to 28, the typical passive drooler is obviously not here to watch dandiya. Neither to honour Mother Goddess. He is here to watch female cleavages, legs and if lucky enough, unhooked bras. He dresses up like a hero, makes himself available at the scene before time and sits calmly like a gentleman with loads of expectations in his eyes. His heart blows up upon the sight of a cleavage or a fleshy leg. He then whispers into his fellow-drooler’s ears and they giggle together - most relishing effort of his life. He would be the happiest person among the crowd if a female dandiya participant throws an accidental glance at him. He continues staring at the accidentally-glanced-female-participant with tons of hope in his eyes (hopes that she would call him onto the turf and give him a deep hug out of love). While staring at her, the typical passive drooler’s mouth would be wide open (displaying his tonsil) till the time his heart breaks when he finds her rubbing together with her boyfriend. Mr. Krishnan Kutty Nair, a mumbai-settled IT professional of about 25-years, refused to comment when he was caught with his mouth wide open.

1 comment:

A Restless Mind With A Sensitive Heart! said...

Hey Victor!

Well written. Men will be men!